So, I just got back from holidays with the family, and I didn't even realize how much I needed it. I have a nasty habit of being anxious about what's on the horizon, and finding things to distract me from what's right in front of me. I hadn't noticed what a rut I was in, and how often I distance myself from my family. I've just been putting my head down and pushing forward at the expense of my relationships, my happiness and my mental health. Taking a break from everything was huge!
We spent a night away in Canmore, and spent the next day exploring Banff. We swam, we stayed in a hotel, we ate, we walked, we ate more, we walked more, and we ate more. It took me almost a full day to achieve, but I was able to decompress, relax and just enjoy spending time with my wife and children. Between my work schedule, my time at the theatre for Bull Skit Comedy, and my budding stand-up career, I'm not home much when everyone else is, and often when I am, fatigue, distraction or anxiety (sometimes all of them!) can make me seem gone even when I'm home. So all of this felt very good. I came back feeling refreshed and more connected to my loved ones. We also had some great Easter festivities at the end of the week, which again, being detached from my usual grind, I was able to be more engaged in.
The holiday week off would have been great all on it's own, but I did have another important reason to re-center myself. Springtime in Central Alberta means stand-up contest season. Last year I wasn't committed enough to the craft to consider entering any, but this year I felt focused and seasoned enough to take the next step. I applied for three contests and a comedy festival, and was accepted into two of the contests. First up is this Saturday, where I'll compete in FunnyFest in Calgary. Then, in just over a month, I'll be in The Comic Strip in West Edmonton Mall, which is one of the top clubs in Canada. That contest is "Edmonton's Funniest Person With a Day Job", and winning it has kick-started many careers. A good showing at these could elevate me from grinding open mics, to a real working comedian.
Doing well in these events has been both pushing me and stressing me out for weeks, but the week off has really helped realign my priorities. One moment in particular shook me out of my single-mindedness. Someone messaged me about the death of our mutual friend, Greg Bernard. I've spoken to him for less than an hour over the last twenty years or so, but I can say for a fact that I wouldn't have made it through high school without him. We were both struggling to fit in early on, and we bonded almost through necessity. We'd have sleepovers (like I alluded, we were horribly uncool), and have Earthworm Jim marathons (see?). We watched a lot of terrible movies, or just drove around aimlessly. Honestly, we weren't even that alike, but we really propped each other up through those difficult years. As the two of us stumbled into adulthood, we lost contact.
I saw him about three years ago, and he looked rough. He was having problems with several of his organs, and was already medically retired in his mid-thirties. Those issues got worse, and took his life this week. 39 years old. Gone. The loss of someone I was close to, who was the exact same age as me has hit hard. He didn't have an accident, he wasn't a drug addict. He just got sick and died. I realized in my sadness that I'm not immune to that happening to me. Time is so finite, and I can't avoid facing that any longer. I NEED to be a better, more engaged husband and father. I NEED to examine my goals, figure out what's most worth chasing, and start running after it. I NEED to take better care of my body and mind, to allow those other things to be possible. I need to dream, work and love harder. I realized that winning these contests won't make me successful, nor losing them a failure. Win or lose, they are just part of the ride that I'm so grateful to be on, with so many loved ones supporting me.
25 years ago, I needed Greg. On his way home, he came through for me one last time.
I hope you find rest my friend. Thank you.
B
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