Crawling out of the dark cave that was 2020

 *blink blink*

Hello?

Is it safe to come out? 

No?

I'm coming out anyway.

Hey everybody. First things first. Let's get the excuses out of the way. It's been 14 months or so since I updated ol' bloggy. I suck. Can't even totally blame the apocalypse, as 4 months went by before that was a thing. Considering that those 4 months were just shoulder rehab and video games, let's pretend I didn't have much to say. 

In my defence though, anyone reading this blog can just pretend 2020 didn't even happen, right? If you do choose that path, skip this quick recap of what happened to me this year:

-Booked a couple of big shows with the amazing Simon King. One of which became the new home for Longshot Comedy. (I love you Open Range Saloon!) I was able to do a full 30 min opening slot on these shows. 

-Came back to work in a new position of Marketer, right when that position was rendered meaningless. So instead I hang out at the customer service desk. People tell me I'm essential. It is nice to still get paid through all of this, despite the lingering fear of constant exposure to the public. 

-Somehow managed to keep pushing forward in comedy through restrictions, including getting booked to open on 4 city tour! (I might dedicate a future post to getting into detail on this)

-Had all momentum on that front stop twice, the second one still happening. Frustrating, but real, focused time at home with my family has been great. Silver linings.

-Lost a friend indirectly from Covid, and nearly lost 2 more directly from it. This hammered home what's really important right now. Family. It's family you guys. You thought I was going to say comedy didn't you?

So now here I am, pondering the lessons of the most dramatic year ever, and trying to piece together how to handle the next one. There's no clear end in sight to the pandemic though, so I'm not exactly rushing out to buy a day planner. I guess maybe that's the lesson. Nothing can be taken for granted. No amount of passion or planning will matter. I'm not in control. Surrendering to that is tough, but necessary. 

All I can control is where my focus and energy goes. And to not dwell on what's out of my hands. I need to appreciate having a safe, healthy family and being able to pay my bills. That alone is a rare gift these days. And when I do get back on a stage in front of a crowd safely, I want to savor that more too. Bring my best self to the comedy, but like, with balance. Having it go away has forced me to learn that I can't put all my eggs in that basket. I can't expect it to be my therapy and only source of validation and identity. Because when it stops, depression happens. And it did. Does still, but did more before. 

I'm still weak, unstable and inconsistent me, but I'm going to work on improving. A better me will hopefully lead to a better comedian, but more importantly lead to a healthier and more present person. 

To a new and better year, (because the bar is low)

B