I write this from the place I'll be sleeping soon. This is because Danielle and I are seperating...
Breaking up, splitting, "conscious uncoupling", whatever you want to call it. The romantic phase of our relationship is over. But doesn't mean we don't love each other, or that we're not going to be in each other's lives forever.
There's zero hate between us. A little awkwardness maybe sure. But we're still a team. She's ok. I'm ok. The kids know, and are handling it well. The goal here is for us both to be better. Happier. That's the plan.
It's not that simple of course. It's going to take time and struggle for us to get to that better place. There's issues that we haven't even thought about that are going to rear up on us. Feelings we think we're prepared for but probably aren't.
But we've been moving towards this almost a year. After some heavy setbacks and a lot of careful thought, it's happening.
And sure, I'm hurting. I didn't think I wanted this. There are moments where I wish it wasn't happening. But it is. And I can feel all of that, but still be hopeful for the future. Sure starting over is tough, but good things are coming. I know they are. Hopefully for both of us. We want to show our children that you can chase happiness. That they can build the life they truly want.
I get to go find that now. I have a new career with tons of upside that's going to change my life. And now I get to find someone new to share that life with. And they get someone new as well. I'm not the same person I was even a year ago. I'm on way more medication now.
Our marriage was not a failure. We shared thousands of great moments. And we brought three unique and amazing people into this world. We did that together. We got each other here. But all that growth we did beside each other took us to different places. Now it's time to let go.
So now I take the lessons that 18 years with someone has taught me into the next chapter. I'm far from perfect. But I'm trying to own my flaws, and keep growing, and maybe even have a little love and forgiveness for myself inspite of them.
I guess the next step now is to thrive in my new spot (huge thanks to John for letting me take over his place for the summer). And then I gotta put myself out there. Make some messes. Probably get hurt. Maybe cause some back as I figure this out. But the theme of this year is that things can never be as hard as they have been over the last 6 months. All of that struggle prepared me for this. A couple of bad dates are nothing now. Dating apps though. That's still going to suck probably. But that's how this works now.
So away I go. (by the way, if you've always pined for me from afar, maybe let me know. Don't make me Bumble)
Good vibes everybody. Things get better.
B
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