Hello faithful reader! Thanks for sticking around! I hope you weren't just sitting in front of your screen this whole time, waiting for your next serving of Wunderbrad.... You did? Oh. Awkward....
No, it's not pathetic. Really. I'm flattered! Thank you. And...sorry. I shouldn't have made you wait three months. Fortunately, I have so many handy excuses for you!
1. Christmas happened. I work in retail, and am a typical Western consumer. That tends to result in a derailment of the ol' routine for December. I also played Santa in a sketch show. And a staff party.
2. Once I let said routine derail, it kinda stayed that way. I'm starting to understand the power of habits, both good and bad. I seem to have more of the latter...
3. On the subject of bad habits, I now own a Playstation 4. If you feel you have too much motivation and find you're just too productive, then you should pick up a PS4. You won't have those problems anymore.
On a more serious note, I think I got a little bit depressed for a bit there as well. Not sure what caused it, if anything. Could be the cold dreary weather, or the hectic schedule I was running, or the fact that my semi-regular yoga stopped in October. Maybe a little bit of all those things and more, if I wanted to keep looking. The point is, I wasn't feeling right for quite some time. I wasn't a complete mess or anything like that, but everything just seemed a little more difficult than usual, and nothing felt balanced. I let a lot of negative thoughts take up way too much room in my head. I started feeling hesitant and less committed to my improv. I wasn't giving my family the love and support they needed from me, especially Wifey. Any type of writing, be it this blog, comedy sketches, or comic scripts, seemed impossible to focus on.
Things have been getting better recently, mostly thanks to Wifey. We've been together for over a decade now, and she's gotten pretty good at figuring me out. I used to hit these low points a lot more often in our early days, and neither of us handled them very well back then. This time around, she has been amazing. I've been distant, moody and not very useful, while she's been patient, understanding and has kept me moving forward, even if I couldn't go full-speed.
I also came across a great new career opportunity that I HAD to take a shot at. My retail gig has been good to me, but I yearn for a 9 to 5 situation. It would make the family/improv juggling act much easier. So I got a resume together for the first time in 15 years and took a shot at it. I found out yesterday that I didn't get the position, but I'm not upset about it. I'm proud of myself for going for it. The next time something that sweet comes along, I'll be even more prepared for it.
The last thing that snapped me out of my funk was The Kinkonauts. They are a talented improv theatre company in Calgary that Bullskit has worked with on a few occasions. They were hosting a 26 hour improv marathon and I was able to join in the fun for the closing hours of the show. One of my big goals this year was to improvise with more people and stretch my horizons as a performer. This event was a great chance to do that, and I wanted to have the best experience possible. On the trip down with my partner-in-crime Scott, we got ourselves into a headspace where we could do our best. When I hit the stage, I was ready to play. I got to share the stage with folks I admire, and met several more that I can't wait to work with again. It all went even better than I hoped. The show reminded me why and how much I love performing improv, and now I'm chomping at the bit to get back to rehearsal.
Here's supposed to be the part where I boil down all that rambling into something coherent and inspirational right? Well it should be obvious by now that I don't have everything figured out yet. Sorry. Wrong blog. I am hoping that one of you readers finds a needle of wisdom in this massive haystack of a post. All I know is, I'm a better man now than I was ten years ago. I'm doing things that the old me would be terrified to try. I'm surrounded with awesome people at home, at work and on stage. Most of all, I'm starting to trust myself. Whether it's a resume, a blog post, or a parody song, I'm trying not to listen to the critic in my head that wants to convince me that everything I'm about to try is going to be terrible.
I'll let you guys tell me that instead ;)
It's OK to fall sometimes. Keep getting up. Knock that dust off.
B
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