Updates, Reality Checks and Juggling ALL THE THINGS

Hello again! It's been a long time. The main reason I've been away from blogging about what I'm up to, is that I've been up to a lot. I was about to say, "this last six months", but what I should really say is, "This last year", I've been knee-deep in various types of comedy and family times, with a dab of beer production and social media marketing tossed in there. Earning a living is also still necessary, so drop a full time job in there too. With all that's been happening, I've kind of put my head down and just pushed through it. It's been a constant stream of "next thing...next thing...etc.", but now I want to take a breath, stick my head way up and look at how far I've come and maybe get a clue on where the hell I'm going...

Let's start with Bull Skit!

Last season was massive, as our Veal Skit crew stepped up to become an equal part of the company with the other cast. We alternated main stage shows and put in more time than ever before. It was a great challenge, and Veal became stronger through the trials. Keeping morale and chemistry high wasn't always easy, and through various situations we lost a couple members off the team. Because we feel like family doing what we do together, it was hard going through those changes. Overall I'm so proud of how we stepped up and delivered all season though. 

This season, (Our 10th!) has seen more big change, as Veal and Bull Skits have been shuffled together with some new faces into a Full Time Cast, and a more casual Part Time Cast. I'm on the casual team, which in theory should open up more time for family and stand up, but I've still been running pretty hard. We survived a fun but intense third run of Sketch Fest, and then we jumped right into the season. We're presenting shows we've never attempted before and I'm starting to feel that tingle of fear again. That tension that comes from trying things you aren't certain you can pull off. I missed that feeling. 

Stand up!

My last blog talked about my big contest win in June, and I'm happy to report that I've carried over some momentum from that through the summer and beyond. When I did that contest, I'd probably only performed twenty or so sets over the last year-and-a-half. I've dropped at least that many since June. I'm excited about getting better, and hopefully will increase my presence in the scene over time. I've learned it's a tough grind to even moderate success in that business, but I'm inspired by some of the talented folks I get to work with, and I'm always learning something every night. 

Speaking of learning and new challenges, I'm just a few days away from promoting my first show! At the Penholder Tavern in my hometown of Penhold, Alberta, I'll be booking what hopefully will become a monthly show. While it's a bit challenging to add another activity to my schedule, I couldn't pass up the chance to see how the other side of the business works. Performing in various rooms over the last two years I've figured out my tastes for a great show, and I want to create a show that I'd love to watch. Getting to hand-pick the people I want to work with has been great. I hope it leads to bigger things, either as a comedian or a promoter. 

The Fam
The aspect of my life that gets neglected a bit as I chase this stuff is my family. It's a problem, and I'm nowhere near having it figured out yet. The kids are a bit older, so getting out of the house two or three nights a week is easier than it would have been a few years ago. I really try to pick my spots, but I have a hard time saying "no" to people. I try not to over-commit to Bull Skit, but I always have fun when I'm there, and I get twitchy when they are doing awesome things without me. I also want to get lots of stage time for stand up, both for getting better and to keep my visibility high. It also doesn't help when I get in my head about the other stuff when I actually AM home sometimes. 

I know that if I work too hard and drift further away from my home life, I may never be able to repair those relationships. Wifey and the kids support my passions, but I know it affects them when I leave, and I struggle with that balance constantly. My wife loves me, and loves having me around, and I don't honour that enough. I see my kids look down sadly when I'm putting on my shoes and saying "daddy's got a show". It guts me every time, but I can't bear the thought of letting it all go and just staying home. Before I had these new things in my life, I was unfulfilled and on edge most of the time. I knew something was missing.

I'm not an amazing comedian by any means, but I am decent at this stuff, and getting better all the time. I might be rationalizing here, but I want to show my children that they can find a "thing" that they love and go chase it. The "you can be anything you want" speech rings hollow if the speaker didn't at least take a shot at something themselves. I don't want to regret not trying. I also don't want to regret hurting my loved ones...

I especially feel a lot of guilt for Wifey. Eight years ago, she didn't know she'd be marrying a comedian, because I had no idea either. She didn't sign up for any of this. I'm not the same person she met thirteen years ago, but I suppose not many of us are. I've been learning that marriage isn't falling in love and assuming everything will just work out. It's falling in love with many different versions of the same person. She's grown and changed too. She's amazing at her job, and the best parenting partner I could ever want. She also still loves me, which is both surprising and awesome. I have a hard time expressing to her how hard it is to leave her at home when I'm out performing. I miss her, and I want her there with me to share those moments. I'm frustrated because that part of my life feels so separate from her, but we talked a few months back about her showing support to me by making sure that things at home are being handled in my absence. I semi-joke all the time that at least one of us needs to be a responsible parent, and it's rarely me. So that's been the arrangement. It's...working, but not well. 

There are days I want to do more and work harder, and there are days I want to slow way down and just be present and content. Most days have some of both. The juggling act is brutal. If one area is really ticking along, I know that another is suffering for it. 

I'm crazy fortunate to have these be my biggest issues. My wife and children love me. I love them, but I also love these things over here. Those aren't big problems, but they are mine. And I'm realizing I wouldn't trade them for anyone else's. Dumping all these thoughts into the keyboard helped me see that. 

Thanks for reading my self-digital-therapy session,
B

Just Me and a Mic

I love stand up comedy. 

For years, I've looked at the men and women who do it with awe. I wanted to try it myself, but I was afraid. I didn't think I could ever do what they did. When I discovered my local improv troupe, Bull Skit, I saw the classes as a way to build my confidence. Maybe after some training I could try getting on stage. Along the way, I ended up diving into Bull Skit full speed, and stand up had to take a back-seat to improv. Despite doing my first set over two years ago, I've only dabbled in it, with barely two dozen attempts under my belt.

This spring though, an event was announced that really had me excited. They were going to host a contest, with prize money and a big slot on an upcoming show. I saw it as a great chance to test myself, sure, against the other comedians, but mainly just to see how I would handle the pressure. So, within a week or two of Bull Skit Season 9 drawing to a close, I started writing jokes and doing open mics. Leading up to the competition, I put in about 5 or 6 sets, polishing my material, finding the rhythms of the laughs, and nailing my delivery. When the big night came, I felt good. There was some other locals I saw as a challenge, and a few from out of town that I had no idea about. I couldn't do anything about their sets though, just my own. 

My turn was coming, so I positioned myself in our unofficial staging area. The comic up there before me hadn't been up in years, and was really struggling. He lost his train of thought, and got shook up. When the crowd felt his discomfort, it quickly spread to them too. Suddenly, everyone in the room was not having a good time. For a second, I got worried about having to follow him and handle the cold, nervous crowd. Then I thought to myself:

 "I need to get these people back to a good place if I'm going to have a chance."

When the other guy finally finished, a table of older people right at the front just got up and left as he walked off stage. I couldn't blame them, but this was my opening. I was introduced, and stepped up there with a smile on.

"Hey everyone! Thanks for not leaving!"

...the crowd chuckled a bit

"It is like, 8 O'clock. They probably just needed to go to bed. It's fine."

...more chuckles

"Are you folks ready to have some fun? Let's have some fun, huh?"


The crowd gave a small cheer and you could almost feel everyone in the room (not least of which me) take a collective deep breath. It was OK to laugh again now. Now I could start my act. 

The set went great. It was possibly my best one ever, right when I needed it. I was calm and confident. The judges awarded me first place! I was so grateful and excited that I stepped up in the moment. I realized after what the secret was. I basically took control of the room that night. I've never felt like that before. Control is not a sensation I'm used to. My routine is that I try not to screw things up too badly as I careen through my day. Life just happens and I try to keep up. But for that 6 minutes, that lounge was my own little universe. I could almost feel the energy of the crowd, as I had them on the ride with me. I can see why guys like Judd Apatow get back into it after decades away. When it all clicks, there's no feeling like it. 

Of course, as the judges deliberated the winner, we were treated to the headliner, Tommy Mellor. He quickly reminded me that I still have a ton to learn, as he killed for 30 minutes. I don't have that in me. Not yet. But I know how far I've come already. I feel more relaxed on stage now, mostly thanks to the many hours of improv and sketch. When I started stand up, I was so afraid of having a bad set. Now, if things stall out a bit, I'll laugh about it in the moment and try to engage the crowd that way. When things aren't going well, I'll always learn a few things to change for next time, but I'm not afraid to fail. 

Will I ever be a famous, successful comedian? Most likely not, but it feels good trying to become one, and as long as that's true, I'll keep hustling.

Chasing dem laughs,

B

Being Bull Skit

Three years ago, I sat in the kitchen of Amy and Everett Wood. The Best of Bull Skit show, and with it their sixth season, had just ended. And the season always ends with a party at Chez Wood. My role that year was as a volunteer. I felt welcomed in as part of the Bull Skit family since Day One, but I wanted to do more. Auditions to join the cast were days away. I was so excited about the possibilities, but I was in awe of these people, and I was afraid that I may never be that good. But I loved improv, I loved sketch, and I wanted to be part of the action.

Three nights ago, I was back in that kitchen. Season nine is over. This time, as I looked around at the happy but exhausted faces in the room, I felt the exact same way. I made the cut in those auditions, and I’ve been riding the crazy-train with this crew ever since, but in that moment, I truly had a sense of what being a Bullskitter means.

-It means dedication, as you pour your time and energy into getting better, individually and as a cast.

-It means having to fit life in around our schedule, as we delivered a fresh show almost every week of the season.

-It means compromise, as you stay mindful that all of us have different agendas, tastes and styles to balance and blend together into our unique dynamic.

-It means understanding and support from your friends and family, as you walk out the door, sometimes for the fifth time that week, to head to the theatre. Or those moments where you ARE with them, but your head is stuck in the next show, or even worse, the last show.

But…

It also means that you get to look out off that stage, squinting through the lights, to see dozens of people there to enjoy YOU. To hear them laugh at what you and your friends have made. It means having a whole other family to go to every week. A place to go for escape, understanding, positivity, fulfillment and camaraderie. And when you’re with them, you get to create something unlike anything else in the world. Sure, there are thousands of comedy troupes, and many could be considered more “successful” depending on your metrics, but there’s only one Bull Skit.

Three years have brought a lot of change to this company. People have come and go, and because we feel like family, that is always hard. We’ve grown in every sense of the word. Veal Skit, once the junior crew, is now a full house team. That new level of responsibility was a bit scary, but we were ready for the challenge.

As we’ve grown and changed, I have done even more of that myself. I came in with no theatre background at all, and none of this felt natural to me at first. Even when I was “in”, I often felt like the outsider. The fraud who didn’t have as much to offer as the others. I didn’t have a lot of confidence. This group wasn’t having that though. They pulled me along with them, showing faith in me and giving me the tools I’d need to contribute. I’ve realized that the voice of doubt never fully leaves, but it’s much quieter now. I also know I still have so much to learn. There are a lot of little things a true pro does that I’m not doing yet, but I’m working on it. I don’t feel like I’m faking anything anymore. Now I’m a singing, dancing, screaming, shirtless, theatre-nerd comedian.

I’m a Bullskitter, and even after everything I just wrote, I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

Thank you,

B